Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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