i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize