I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
