Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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