just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
this boner is exhausting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
