I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
