Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
