she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
