Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
