You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
do herpes really smell.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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