If i come over, it means nothing
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
