Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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