How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
