so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
