We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
