Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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