oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
