So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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