That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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