....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
