I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize