in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
my poor anus
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize