My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this just has baby written all over it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
