she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
