I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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