New invention idea: vibrating tampons
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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