We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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