I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize