If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
