It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
