I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We had sex on a dog bed..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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