Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
