I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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