This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
