I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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