you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
