My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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