I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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