i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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