new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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