I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
