yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
