I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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