Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
