My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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