If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
