she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
