took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
