tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
