Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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