before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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