does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
