My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
