He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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