a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
