A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
