Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
