Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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