I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize