i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize