Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
