I met the friendliest cop last night
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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