the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
