Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
