Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
