dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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