So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
