I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't turn off my feet"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize