ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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