ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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