I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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