Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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