Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
