Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize