I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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