I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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