I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
