i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize