he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
