Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
