You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
