party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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