Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
