Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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