That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
