So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
