For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
