I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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